I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
