i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize