Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
