So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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