you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
