i would punch a child for taco bell
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
