In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
