after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we're making bets on your personal life
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
