We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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