And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize