remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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