my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
