Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
