New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
