Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
