No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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