She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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