I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
