are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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