Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
