Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
