I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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