Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
