Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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