No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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