if you like me you must not know who I am
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
