I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
