upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
