just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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