If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
