oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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