I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
