I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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