If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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