i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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