How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
