Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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