help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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