Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
