Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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