The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
