I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
