but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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