my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
