I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
