Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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