his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
