so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
