the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
