he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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