So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
