dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
