from now on my penis is your penis
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
