I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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