meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize