Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
