I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
