the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
