WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
