My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
