It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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