The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
