If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
