Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize