I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
