i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
