youre lurking in front of me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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