Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
